High school kids are still mean to subs, fyi

My brain is still a little bit numb from the overwhelming experience of starting work again, in a new CMO, a new city, a new neighborhood. Oh and I subbed for ninth grade yesterday!

The question I keep getting from friends and family is simply "how was ninth grade?" And I'm not sure why anyone is so shocked to hear that I really did not like it. But let me tell you some of my stories and you can decide for yourself if you think subbing high school is something to be enjoyed or survived.

My first two classes were both 2 hour blocks, 9th grade English. The students came in the room so loudly that I almost stood on my tiptoes and shouted before I realized that I was actually still the teacher. I thought it would have been demeaning to ask them to "show me 5 if you can hear my voice" or touch their nose or put both hands on their heads. Actually come to think of it they might have thought I was trying to arrest them if I asked them to put their hands on their heads. And, call it my really good instincts if you must, but I knew that this, if ever, was not the time to go on a bear hunt. So I spoke loudly and asked for their attention, waited, asked, waited, demanded, waited, scolded, waited, called out individuals, waited... basically did everything wrong. I hate teenagers. At some point in between my first and second blocks I heard shattering glass, but didn't immediately find out what it was.

I taught a lessons about facts/opinions and ethos/pathos/logos and because I was bored from teaching the same lesson 4 times, I made two kids get into a real argument made the others classify their arguments. Do you know how long high school lessons are? I had 120 minutes for that stupid block! Can you imagine doing only one subject for 120 minutes? Poor kids! No wonder the girls started pulling out their mascara and eyelash curlers. And ask to go to the bathroom every five minutes. And pass notes that were folded and sealed with lipstick kisses but claimed to be "math homework".

FYI, if you make girls put away their makeup, and tell someone they can't go to bathroom on the basis of "teachers can't go either", and take away someone's lipstick sealed "math homework", you are not a nice sub. Actually you are not a nice person. The things they called me I can't repeat on this blog because if I did 1) google's profanity blocker would screen it from many searches and 2) most of it was in Spanish so I don't remember it. But I know it was mean.

Also FYI if you glare back hard enough at a kid who is calling you something racist, they'll shrug and say "but whatever it's cool." Did I mention I hate teenagers?

After a quick lunch I was requested to help co-teach with another sub, who was teaching science. Apparently the other sub was also having management problems similar to myself. After the kids were given a stern lecture from the principal, the two of us were left with them. Most of them had been in one of my the classes in the morning but had since decided that I was cool (or perhaps the principal scared them) and put their heads down and did their work. I also kept a glare on my face and did not smile the entire time. When someone shouted "That was the bell!!!" 8 minutes before the bell rang, and nearly the whole class got up to leave and the other sub almost let them, I almost cracked a smile. Almost. Instead I commanded everyone back into their seats and I threatened detention if I ever found out who shouted that the bell rang.

And so went the rest of my day. No smiling. No fun. No silly songs and no dancing around the room looking for letters or patterns. Just sit down and shut up and do your work. Turns out high school still sucks.

As I was leaving, I found out that shattering glass I heard? That was a kid being thrown through a window. The kid who threw him was permanently expelled within the hour and the next day (which I guess is today) someone on the waiting list will be at the school in his place.

Then today I gave my kindergartners a spelling test, but only after singing and dancing. It is going to be an interesting year.

Mrs. Awesome Subs Again, reprised

After nearly four weeks of hoop jumping, I'm back in action, subbing for ninth grade English today. Careful readers will observe that I have a multiple subjects credential, which means I'm normally an elementary school teacher.

Today I'm remembering what a mentor once said: If you don't think you know what you're doing, just pretend like you do and keep trying until you fail enough times to learn it well enough to stop pretending.

Holding my breath, diving in!

Consider me oriented

I just got home from orientation to my new sub pool. Who knew there even were such things as new hire orientations for substitute teachers? Apparently this CMO (that's charter management organization, and yes! I finally have a name for it!) has higher standards for its teachers, students, and substitutes. I went to the orientation more than a little skeptical, but that was kind of a waste of perfectly good cynicism. Here's what I found out.

First, my new CMO fills its sub pool only with candidates it would consider hiring into full time teaching positions, or candidates it considers "highly qualified". My chances of getting hired by them are significantly increased now IF I do a good job subbing, and of course if there are any openings that I am available for this year or next.

In the room with me were about 20 new sub hires and we were told point blank to consider ourselves "lucky and at-will" because there hundreds of other applicants. Apparently we are evaluated each time we sub and one negative eval will get us kicked off the island. Also when we sub we are treated like normal teachers, which means if a teacher was scheduled for a walk-through with feedback that day, we'll get it instead, including feedback on our teaching. I know feedback is important for improvement, and I don't disagree with this idea in principal, but dang. The no-nonsense attitude is going to take some getting used to. Also what happens if I sub for someone who just doesn't like me or if I just have a bad day? Seems a little harsh. On the other hand, I cannot tell you how often I'm completely infuriated at systems that allow people who suck at their jobs to keep working. For once in my life, my opinion is not yet formed on this issue.

Of the 20ish people in the room, it sickens me to think about how many of them had several years of classroom teaching experience. We have perfectly good teachers with experience, and they aren't in a classroom right now? Many were coming from local districts that had laid them off and wanted to offer them less the $100/day to sub. Almost all were full credentialed like myself. Welcome to the recession.

Aside from putting a fire under my butt regarding principal walk-throughs and impromptu evals, I really wholeheartedly found myself agreeing with the charter's mission and pedagogy. And I don't think it was just because I need a job and want to like where I'm working either. Maybe I'm a sucker for a powerpoint with good graphic organizers, but I found the whole orienting process a welcoming, positive, and meaningful experience. Most of all, I feel like it was time well spent. Obviously subbing at this CMO will not be the same as subbing in Small Town, USA so I'm glad someone took the time to outline the differences for me.

Some of the things that are different about subbing for this CMO:
-I'm welcome at all of their professional development activities (not paid, but I can add to my resume and more importantly, improve my teaching)
-Depending on the school, I'm welcome at their staff meetings (extremely rare)
-My pay is $35/day more than in Small Town, USA.
-I'm encouraged to volunteer and observe on days that I don't sub. It's like... they actually want me to be a better teacher.
-I have to wear dress clothes. No more jeans like in Small Town, USA, not even if I pair them with a blouse. If you know me in real life, you know I live in jeans.
-I can get direct deposit, but there is no centralized sub line or sub coordinator. Give and take, eh?

So now the only thing standing in my way between getting those first calls is a TB clearance, so I will have to wait at least another week. In the meantime, it's shopping, college football, and enjoying what looks like the end of summer and the end of my "unemployment".

The why in "why I still bother"

Having the summer off and enjoying not working makes a slippery slope down the path of "is it worth it" and "why even bother". Yesterday I started to dig deep, but realized my reason for bothering has been right at the surface all along. 

As you know, I began the hoop jumping to start subbing for a chain of charters in the inner city, c/o Big City, USA. I filled out a crazy detailed online application, showed up for an interview, wrote some essay questions on the spot, got grilled about best practices and my views of guest teaching, and got selected to join the limited guest teacher (re: sub) pool for the 8 locations k-12 in the inner city neighborhood that this particular charter serves. I paid a total of $42 to have two different official transcripts ordered and tomorrow I'll pay another $25 for a fingerprint & background check. Next week I'll attend a mandatory orientation. I don't want to talk about gas or minutes spent in traffic but at least no one can hear my singing in the car.

Why the hoops? Is it because, as it seems on the surface, that I'm so desperate for a job that I'll take anything that comes my way? Is it because I'm so pathetic I can't do any better or get hired in a "good" district?

Let me tell you why. And this is the real answer--not the interview answer, not the essay question answer, not the friendly polite dinner conversation answer. I'm not trying to be cute or coy or even, for once, awesome. It's just the truth.

It's because I think the only way to change the world is to teach our children to ask questions. 

I believe that so strongly I'm willing to put it on my sleeve or nail it to my door with a sword. So when I drove to my interview yesterday and saw graffiti on every flat surface and poverty and hunger, and saw babies with babies and teenagers with gang tattoos, I didn't think "how sad." I didn't think "welfare kids" or "I can save them!" or "they need help" or "am I safe here?". I didn't even really think about difference or privilege or agency or equity or any other hot topic that often keeps me awake at night.

I did think "I wonder if anyone is teaching these kids to ask "why" or "how".

So yes, I will jump the hoops and fight upstream with the thousands of other teachers who believe we can change the world. And if that means subbing or working part time or driving in traffic or paying for another stupid transcript or background check (I'm still not a crook!) then I will. Maybe I never will have my own classroom. Maybe I will get hired next week. Maybe I'll stop working when I have kids. I don't know right now. But right now, I sure as hell am going to keep bothering with the hoops, because kids need to be taught to ask the questions that grown ups are too afraid of.

Mrs. Awesome Subs Again

Apparently I had the right answers, or else the interview was a formality, or I'm doomed destined going to spend my life swimming in the sub pool, because I am going to be hired into the sub pool for the network of charters where I interviewed today.

Also, apparently, I hate myself, because I told them I would sub any grade, and when he found I had taken college level calculus, he wrote "math, 7-12" on my paper. Uhhh does anyone remember the panic attack I had when my spring sing was at a high school campus? I think involved lots of forcing myself to walk by rows of lockers and being convinced the teenagers were looking at me.

Well... what's done is done. For now I'll keep applying to whatever positions I can find, and plan on getting my fingerprints, etc. done before sub boot camp next Friday.

Sub pools for the great recession

How do you prepare yourself for a job interview? What if that job interview was to join the sub pool?

Would you practice getting your pulse taken? Or take it more seriously, and bring in samples of daily summaries, prepare a list of curriculum you're familiar with, and be ready to explain/discuss management issues through the lens of a guest teacher? Would you wear a suit? Prepare a sample lesson... just in case they see how incredibly awesome you are and change their mind and decide to hire you full time after all? 

All year last year when I subbed people would say "well hey you have a pulse!" but apparently having a pulse and passing a background check is no longer the minimum qualification to be a substitute teacher. In fact, most of the districts in Big City, USA will not even accept new substitute applications right now because their sub pools are full of teachers who were laid off last year.

Welcome to 2010, teachers.

I did manage to land myself a bona fide job interview... to join a sub pool for a chain of charters. I did also apply for a classroom position with the same charter but no bites there.

While I'm still actively applying for the few job postings that I can find (and thinking about seriously revamping my cover letter & resume) I'm also wondering how I'm going to continue my career. As a planner by nature, my 1, 5, and 10 year plans get changed almost weekly as my career prospects dwindle. Am I a lifer in the sub pool? Will two years post teacher ed without my own room kill my classroom teacher potential? Can I still consider pursuing my special ed credential next year?

Or will I not even get picked for the sub pool? If that happens I may as well grab my green apron and go knock on the window at Starbucks and promise not to steal too many SKVLs.

Show me the money!

Have you heard about the new $100 bills? They are so cool!!

When I was subbing a couple of weeks ago I got to see a special presentation from a local bank about the new bills. The bankers brought really neat super size color copies of the current bills and then they had copies of the new bills too. The kids were invited to find as many similarities and differences as they could. It was a fun little compare/contrast and I had a hard time letting the kids do the work.

At one point the bankers started explaining to the kids how the new bills won't really be made of copy paper, but they'd be made of cotton. They went to say that the cool thing about the new bills is that when you fold the bills a certain way it would create a 3D effect.

At that point I almost interrupted to explain that these kids were too young to pick up on subtle sarcasm, and that they wouldn't find it funny to be teased in such a way. I thought it was so mean that the bankers were telling the kids such a ridiculous thing! I mean, a 3D effect on a paper bill? Come on, you might be able to pull a fast one on these kids, but not on me.

Luckily I didn't say anything though, because it turns out they were serious! Apparently it wasn't the kids who were too young to understand the adults, it was Mrs. Awesome who was too much of a cynic to change with the times.

You can read about the new bills here, and even watch a cool video! 

In any case, check out the new bills! So cool! I can't wait to get one. I guess I'll need a job to earn it first. Hmm.

Another day in the subbing trenches

The truth is, I do actually value my time as a sub. I often get a lot out of the days I spend in other people's rooms with other people's children teaching other people's lessons. I consider my subbing as paid learning time.

It's not what I wanted. It's not what I planned for or hoped for or paid for a very expensive graduate degree and state credential for. I really hope I can say this is the last month or two I'll ever do it because next year I'll have my own room.

But for now, subbing is what I have. Two days a week I am a substitute teacher. That is that so I may as well get something out of it.

Today I got to sub in a multi-age classroom. I had 4th-6th grade in one class! It was at one of our "alternative" learning style schools in our area. This school has a k-1, a 2-3, and 4-6 classroom. Let me tell you something--this is not something you can learn about in your teacher program and not something you can learn by watching for 30 min with a planned observation and a clipboard! After subbing this year, I really have come to see the value in just stealing a class for a day with an open mind and heart.

Today I saw:

-a classroom that was 1/4 library space
-truly student-ran class jobs
-group work done in... groups!
-classroom completely cleaned and tidied by the students, including vacuuming, in 5 minutes.
-more parents than I've seen all year combined
-test prep
-class meeting

There were negatives too. I wonder how the sixth graders will fare at junior high next year, when they will be thrust into the land of 7th &8th graders having only been exposed to multi-age classes for 7 years? Will they be ok when they have to go the whole day without ever seeing a parent volunteer? And what would I have done if there wasn't a teacher's aid AND a parent volunteer all day? Who paid for that aid in a district that only provides aids for K-1?

I dunno. A part of me thought this kind of job fit my teaching style perfectly. I actually felt like my day went really fabulously. But then another part of me, the cynic, thought... well shoot this isn't real life. Real life is test scores and 55min class periods in junior high and bozo parents and do these kids know algebra yet?

Meanwhile, in the land of music, Spring Sing is in 2.5 weeks!!! I'm terrified. There, I said it. I think the whole thing might be a total disaster. I found a dress to wear, so that problem is solved... I can't tell if I'm excited or nervous or... eeep. I think nervous.

So what's the plan, Sub?

There are some days that I just love subbing. I would rather I had my own classroom, to be sure, but subbing is a lot of fun compared to grad school or staying home and doing laundry or even sometimes compared to teaching music to a new set of kids every half hour. When I sub, I get my own class, even if it is only for the day.

One of the craziest things about subbing though is following someone else's sub plans. The plans I am given almost always dictates the kind of day I'm going to have.

Sometimes teachers leave an entire binder of sub materials. They put in the school's disaster plan, their management plan, a class list, a seating chart (outdated), fire drill plans, emergency numbers, sponge activities, school directories, and a school map.

Sometimes teachers leave you with stacks of papers with sticky notes on them detailing what you're supposed to do with each stack. Then it's up to you to make sure you use all of them in the right order with the right kids.

Sometimes teachers leave you teacher manuals with sticky notes (teachers lover sticky notes) on the pages you need.

Sometimes teachers write a schedule on the whiteboard and hope you get the idea.

Sometimes you get really detailed plans. "Pick up the kids at the line. Let the line leader lead the line. Walk them back to the classroom. The children should sit down at their desks. Take attendance by calling their names. Ask who is having hot lunch and write the total in the hot lunch box in the upper right corner of the attendance sheet". When I get the detailed plans, I think "oh crap, this teacher is really crazy". I do every thing my own way then leave a note telling her I did everything her way. I make sure to use lined paper so my handwriting looks neater than it really is.

Sometimes I get really sparse plans. "8:30 Math pg 170 kids know it" When I get the sparse plans, I think "oh crap, this teacher doesn't give a hoot". I do everything my way and then leave a relatively sparse note. I love sparse plans actually because I always end up making up lessons and never feeling bad about it. Math pg 170 was never so awesome as when I taught it without a sub plan. The teacher doesn't need to know that I taught the kids a silly song to remember their times tables or that we tried to split 3 paper sandwiches between 5 people.

On a recent day of subbing, when I arrived at 7:45am, the office wasn't quite sure which room I should go to, despite the fact that I had a name and grade level given to me by the sub coordinator. In the end they figured it out. I got the key and headed over.

Once I got there, the sub plans were no where to be found. This is not unusual though. Sub plans, though often put somewhere logical to the teacher, can be tricky to find. They could be hidden in a tray on the desk with a tiny label saying "guest teacher". Sometimes they are under several papers that the teacher set down on top of the plans without realizing it on his way out. Occasionally they are taped to the whiteboard in the back of the room. Once I found them inside the attendance folder, which I didn't open until I went to take attendance.

So there I was, in this particular room (that the office sent me to!) riffling through everything trying to find the sub plans. One cannot be shy when looking for such things. The phone rang though and it turns out I was supposed to go to Mrs. Next Door. Well shoot. Good thing no one found me ransacking the room!

Now, the plans for Mrs. Next Door were at least in plain sight. Her plans were of the sparse variety. For social studies, it said "9:30 Greek Myths". I looked around for any obviously piled worksheet packets on Greek Myths, any prepped materials, any text books with pages marked or in progress projects that needed finishing. All I found were tons of paint and art supplies on the back counter. Visions of making pipe cleaner Medusas and glitter lightening bolt Zeuses flew through my brain as I tried to remember what I could about Greek myths. I also was starting to calculate in to see if I had time to run to the school library to check out some books. Think of the possibilities!!!

But sadly I found the books and packets meant for the myths laid out neatly on a hidden shelf before I could get too excited about my myth lesson. I also sadly found the packets for math, and the terrible book we were supposed to read in language arts. Ugh. Why did I look so hard.

So my day went as planned, by someone else. We did boring packets that were total time wasters, read a terrible book I would have never chosen, and wasted time doing other mundane sub lessons.

I really wish I had never found those packets. Or that I had been able to stay in the first room I went to. Mrs. Next Door with her sparse plans and lame-o packets was not my idea of how I wanted to spend my degree.

Other days that I sub I get to do wonderful things like read aloud on Dr. Seuss Day. Sometimes you're awesome, and other times you get a really harsh reminder that you are, after all, just a substitute teacher.

I didn't order a wake up call

My phone rang at 6:30am this morning. It was, of course, the sub coordinator but I didn't answer. Last week I emailed her letting her know I would not be available to sub today, and she emailed back saying "ok, great, I'll take you off the list!"

I'm not sure which list I got taken off of, but it wasn't the "call at ass-early o'clock" list. Needless to say, I did not answer my phone because I was sleeping and I'm still in Favorite City, USA.

Ms. Sub Coordinator has made this mistake every single time I've gone on vacation this year. I email or call her, she is overly impressed that I take the time to let her know I'm not available (saving her the time of calling someone who isn't available) and then she calls me anyway. I am finally to the point of not answering. She figures it out. I probably am breaking some unspoken rule in the world of trying to get a job. Next fall when I'm still an underutilized credentialed and mastered educator, I can probably look back to this exact moment as the reason why: I didn't answer the sub call.

I don't hate her for it though. I remember what it was like to work in an office and do office tasks. I remember having my excel sheets for budgets and my make-shift databases and my cardboard alpha sorter and my friendly but moderately useless cube-mate. So I definitely understand that sometimes names just get lost in the shuffle. I also understand that it is not that difficult to keep a daily availability list.

One time I offered to turn a word document into a modifiable PDF. They thought I was cut out for management. I thought I was cut out for grad school. That's a whole other story.

Subbing Tales

I've mentioned that I have half a job. Really a more accurate statement would be that I have one whole part time job and another on-call job. I work three days a week as a music teacher and the other two days a week I work as a substitute teacher. Neither job is glorious, both have terrible pay and no benefits, but both have moments that are awesome.

Occasionally, and more often lately, my two jobs intersect. Yesterday and today I subbed at the school where I also teach music. There are many things I love about working with kids, but their honesty and transparency has to be one of my favorite things about them.

For example, if an adult found out they had to have to have a sub for a hairstylist, mechanic, masseuse, etc., they might pretend it was all ok and then complain to the manager or whine to their friends. But not a kid. If a kid sees they have you as a sub, you'll know right away what they think.

A kid will roll their eyes and scream AWW MAN A SUB AGAIN!!!!!! I HATE SUBS!!!!!

A kid will see you in their room in the morning and scream "Mrs. Awesome* is here!!! SHE'S OUR SUB" and then run to the playground to tell anyone who will listen to this newest piece of gossip.

A kid will act so shocked to see you away from the multi purpose room that he'll pretend faint and roll around on the floor.

A kid will play along with you when you tell him that there are TWO Mrs. Awesomes*. One teaches music, one is a sub. We both look alike. We sound alike. We even teach at the same school sometimes. But we never come on the same day.

A kid will just tell you simply "I'm glad you're our sub today." And then when their teacher comes back, they'll cheer and scream for her return as if you've been making them write lines with a cursed quill.

And if a kid really likes you, they might just high five you on the way out the door.

Phooey. Those kids. They'll get you every time.

*Obviously (or maybe not) the kids don't call me Mrs. Awesome. They call me by my last name. But for fun I'm writing under a pseudonym. This way I can pretend to be like Stephen King!

How did I get here?

Hello! Thanks for stopping by my brand new procrastination tool. I do just want to say that I don't actually think I'm awesome (though I am a Mrs.) and I have to have daily pep talks with myself to get up enough courage to stand in front of 25 kids and attempt to teach them. But I like to call myself awesome and I like to pretend like I'm confident, in the hopes that someday I really will be.

So last fall I was a freshly minted M.Ed. (Master's of Education) with a Multiple Subjects Teaching Credential. In this economy, that meant I was worthless. Ok, not worthless. It meant I was worth $110/day on the days they felt like calling me. That's right, before I was Mrs. Awesome, I was Mrs. L., the substitute because I couldn't find a teaching job. I was Mrs. L with her expensive degree and expensive job change and expensive quarter life crisis and expensive credential. But cheap clothes. I always teach in cheap clothes because I get paint and markers and kid goobers on them.

So there I am, Mrs. L. with cheap clothes and an expensive degree and a crappy paying crappy job. And even though I wrote my master's thesis on behavior management, the kids walked all over me those first few weeks. Then one day, some sixth grade girls decided to make fun of my name. Mrs. Liquid, Mrs. Linguine, Mrs. Langquid, Mrs. Squid.... on and on it went until I felt like I WAS in sixth grade all over again and my name was once again the source of all things funny. I wanted to crawl into a hole a die. Or cry. Or yell a lot. Or make the girls write "Substitutes are people and children are not" 100 times on the blackboard, Bart Simpson style.

But instead I realized... that actually my name is kinda funny. So I interrupted them (in front of the whole class) and asked if they had any more ideas? Because I hadn't heard those before. Then I told about my maiden name and all the different ways people used to tease me about it. I ended with saying... "So call me Mrs. Liquid, Mrs. Linguine, Mrs. L., or Mrs. L____ just please call me nicely." I remembered Barney Stinson, and I thought silently, "You should just call me Mrs. Awesome."

No one in the real world calls me Mrs. Awesome, but I thought it'd be a funny bloggy name!