Wrap it up, it's a mummy

We usually need to clap, pour rainsticks, and trick our youngsters into singing a song with hand motions so that they'll can it and put their eyes on the board. Getting and keeping kids' attentions is a struggle we battle with on a daily basis. Having the right hook for a lesson can make a huge difference, especially when they are adolescent and angry at the world.

When I was in London recently, I had the chance to visit the British Museum. While there, I snagged some pictures that are certain to nab the attention of even the most uninterested preteens. I'm not sure yet how to relate it to any and all curriculum, but teaching ancient civilizations never sounded so good!

Tell me these shots aren't freaky awesome enough to make even you want to drop your multiple subjects credential and teach history!

Guess who this is? Well yes, it's a mummy, but guess WHO it is? It's Cleo-frickin-patra! That's right, she's just laying right there on a shelf all royal-like. It's Cleopatra, queen and pharaoh of Egypt! Not exactly a royal or peaceful resting place, but she's certainly getting some publicity here.

Okay I'm not really sure who this guy/gal is but that is indeed a mummy. The next time you have a toilet paper roll mummy wrap contest, consider this as your guide. I can't imagine that being a relaxing way to rest in peace, but to each culture their own. 

Who doesn't like bones? Skulls? Entrails? Yuck. Hooked yet, aloof and disinterested middle school boy who cares about nothing?

No?

Well haven't you always want to unwrap a mummy? Common... you know you're curious to see how well that ancient preservation really worked!

 What? You think it's cool? A 3,000 year old dead body preserved with ancient technology? You don't want to learn about it, do you? Oh, you're interested in a closer look? Ok, but don't cry to me if you get nightmares!

 

Now that's history. And I bet you're ready to learn. Check out the British Museum website here and I hope someday you get the chance to travel and be inspired (or at least really wigged out!)

Telling it like it is: job application essays

I'm still in the UK, still enjoying a whirlwind of sightseeing with Dr. Awesome, and still squeezing in job hunting during the long boring days while he's at work and my legs are too tired and sore to carry me through even more walking tours. I am, however, getting a little burned out from these essay questions on job applications. I thought I would share some of my brutally honest answers.

1. If you are bilingual, please state the languages you speak and proficiencies.
I speak several languages. I speak parent, principal, administrator, and coworker. In addition, I speak several forms of child, including hungry, sleepy, frustrated, and whiny. All fluent. I also am moderately proficient at teenager, urban foo, and valley girl.

2. Why do you want to work for ___School?
You're one of three accepting applications right now. 

3. As an educator, how do you use assessments to inform your teaching?
I use every lesson to prepare the kids for the state test. Then I get my state test scores back, fear for my job and salary, can't make a difference because my kids that took the test are already in a new grade, and try again with a metaphorical whip on my back and new kids. 

4. How as collaboration impacted your performance?
Mrs. Next Door tells me how I do everything wrong. Mr. Next Door tells me how Mrs. Next Door is getting divorced. Ms. Down the Hall helps me with my weekly block plan and I help her with math and science prep. All four of us tell the principal we are a united grade level team. 

5. Please describe the management system in your classroom and give an example. 
I take away recess. Example: Kid is a terd. I take away recess. Kid is less of of terd. 

Spring Break, 2010!

It's spring break, do you know where your teacher is?

Today I went to the aquarium! I saw all kinds of crazy fish and adorable otters, talked with a volunteer about lesson plans involving a sponge (like the animal, not the dish cleaner), and read as many kids books in the gift shop that I could before we had to go. I also talked field trip strategies with the store clerk. Sometimes teaching is something you breathe and people figure out that you're a teacher whether you mean for them to or not.

Perhaps not everyone spends their vacation trolling through the aquarium looking for lesson ideas for a classroom they have yet to be hired to teach in.

What are other teachers doing over spring break? I'm so glad you asked.

Well, I do actually know some teachers who are stumbling around drunk on some sandy beach with an umbrella drink and a one night stand. Sorry, but some teachers are sluts AND drunks. Are you really shocked?

I also know some teachers who took off to spend the week skiing or boarding. Some teachers are really into sports too. I know a few other teachers who are using the time off to get some last few training runs in before their upcoming marathon. So some teachers are into sports AND uber buff.

On Friday before spring break in the teacher's lounge we all shared about where we were going.

Mrs. Sixth Grade is going to Ecuador. Or was it Chile? She travels so much that she has a map up in her room with push pins. It is titled, "Where in the world is Mrs. Sixth Grade?" Very cool idea for bragging about your travels and getting the kids into geography. But someone might want to clue her into the fact that Carmen San Diego is a computer game to some, a cartoon to others, and "isn't that a city in California?" to kids today.

A few other teachers at my school are spending spring break doing wedding related activities. They have bridal showers or bachelorette parties in Las Vegas or even actual weddings to go to. Considering that I had pizza and beer for my bachelorette party, I don't really get the whole Vegas thing. Sounds fun though.

Many teachers were simply going to visit family. I guess technically I fall into this category, as my in-laws live in this city and our friends here are just as close as family.

A lot of my coworkers didn't say what they were doing over spring break. I have wild conspiracy theories about what they're up to. My first theory is that they are all going on some booze cruise without me.  My second theory is that they've all got temp jobs for break to make ends meet because their husbands all got laid off. My third theory is that they are all staying home with the shades down and eating bon bons in bed and watching crappy TV while their husbands still have to work like normal people.

And your local friendly wanna be teacher is here, in her favorite city, with her favorite people. Not quite as good as bon bons or a booze cruise, but still awesome.

how to travel with small children, or at least your pesky wife

I have often accused myself of marrying the equivalent of an eight year old. Picky eater, short attention span, loves cookies...the list goes on. But the truth is, if I'm honest with myself, that when it comes to traveling, Mr. Awesome puts up with more than his fair share by traveling with me. 

I need constant attention. I'm nervous. I want a drink of water. I'm hungry. I have to go potty. When do we get there? Is that noise normal on planes? I'm tired. I'm bored. What are you doing? I don't feel good. What's that? Can I play with your iPhone? I'm bored. 

However, a few trips ago, Mr. Awesome discovered something amazing. It turns out, if you get me a brand new book, I'll leave him and everyone else on the plane alone for the entire trip. Magic. Now when we fly I get a new book and Mr. Awesome gets a few hours peace to cram in more work before our trip. 

So I think this trick must surely work with young children. Parents, listen up! If you want your children to be good travelers, step one is to help them become avid readers. I know of course you're all fabulous parents and doing this already. Step two is get them a never before read book from the library and don't let them read it until they get on the plane. Step three... enjoy your flight!

...Something tells me I'll be in for a shock when I get my own set of kids. For now though, I'm happy thinking all of my kids will sit quietly and read on every plane ride and that I will also be able to afford those plane rides. 

In the meantime, happy spring break! Mr. Awesome and I are off to our favorite city!!